Premarital Counseling: The Case for Getting Help Before Things Get Hard
Most couples come to therapy when things have gotten bad enough that they can't ignore it anymore. Premarital counseling inverts that logic. You come in before the patterns are entrenched, before the resentments have calcified, before you've had the same fight forty times. That timing advantage is significant.
The research is clear
Whether measured by a random survey of households, or a review of prior studies, research indicates that premarital counseling results in higher relationship satisfaction, healthier relationship dynamics, and a lower divorce rate. One study found that couples who attended premarital counseling were HALF as likely to divorce or separate after three years.
Get help having difficult conversations
Some conversations are scary to have, and couples understandably avoid them. But there are agreements that need to be made explicitly, because when they aren't, people discover later that they were never actually on the same page. How will finances be shared and managed? How will aging parents be cared for? Will there be children, and how many? What does fidelity mean to each of you? What changes in the relationship are expected as a result of the marriage, and what stays the same? A premarital counselor creates the conditions for these conversations to happen before unspoken assumptions become sources of injury.
Weddings are a huge stressor on relationships
Premarital counseling can help make your wedding more a meaningful ritual and less a stressful ordeal. Weddings join not just two people, but two families and in fact multiple ancestral lineages. The couple is at the epicenter of competing expectations, and weddings are a huge amount of work and an incredible expense. Couples are often unprepared for the challenges and conflicts that this can generate. A premarital counselor can help you navigate these competing demands while keeping the meaning and excitement of the event intact.
Create a relationship with a therapist before you need one
Finding a therapist who feels like a good fit takes effort, and building enough trust to do real work takes time. If a crisis hits, you don't want to be starting from scratch with a stranger while you're already underwater. Couples who have done premarital counseling have that relationship already in place, with someone who has already learned about their respective histories and seen the strength in the relationship. When difficulties arise, you can get to work immediately rather than spending months establishing the foundation.
Originally published November 2014 at wellclinic.com. Updated April 2026.